i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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