not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize