so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
