Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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