belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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