you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
