It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
