is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
