peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
