It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
