man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
