my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
