if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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