Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
