omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
