I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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