Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
