a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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