It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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