Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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