Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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