At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
