i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
