I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize