So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
