I CAN MOONWALK!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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