we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
