Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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