dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
