I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
