would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
