Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I want to have your abortion
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
