Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
