I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I did not marry a roomba.
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