Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Randomize
