omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
