apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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