So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
