doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
