I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
