Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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