I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
