i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
