Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
