The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
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I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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