just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
