the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
