I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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