he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
