GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
