i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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