plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
