tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
