I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
