Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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