Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
