Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
