he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
