Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
