I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i think im in europe. pls send help
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
