Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
