the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
