I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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