good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
