One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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