So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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