That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
