Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
