I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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