honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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