I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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