he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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