so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
