She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
