I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
