dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
