Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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